Hey, No Smoking in the House! (All Night Blog-a-Thon #2)

…..Step right up, and don’t be shy. Because you will not believe your eyes. She’s right here, behind the glass. And you’re gonna like her. ‘Cause she’s got class….

Yeah, still jammin’ to the eighties. 10 bonus points if you know that song and can tell me who sang it, and the name, without Google.

So here is installment #2 in my little middle-of-the-night Blogathon.

So do you remember this post? Well, it was all about the dysfunction of my 8-moonth-old laptop and how it sucks, among other topics because I have ADD of the Blog. Anyhow, so the plot thickens.

I dealt with the issue of the malfunctioning onboard mouse by buying a small external mouse to use with the laptop. I acually got used to using it. So earlier tonight, I am sitting down at my desk, logging on so I can complete one of my pain-in-the-ass papers for my newish Human Resources Management class when the DVD drive starts making this awful clicking noise. And it won’t open. I have, by this point, picked up the laptop and am looking at it at all angles, turning it over and over as if looking at it funny is going to solve the damned problem, when Evan noticed it.

“MOMMY!!!! It’s SMOKING!”

Oh my God, the kid was right. Little puffs of smoke were coming out of the jacks in the front where I would normally plug in my earbuds for a boring-ass lecture online. And then the puffs weren’t so little. And then they were pouring smoke. And then my fucking living room smelled like burning hair. (yeah, I know that smell after an unfortunate incident where I caught my long ponytail on fire with a lit candle. Don’t judge. It was years and years ago–the early ’90’s and we all used that much hairspray.) I hurried up and shut down the computer. But just like one would risk running into a burning building to rescue photos, I thought of all of the digital photos of my boys on that damned computer that I failed to back up. Shit. So I turned it on and tried to hurry and transfer all of the photo files I care about onto any flash drive I could find. Thankfully, with our roles as perpetual students, there were about a half dozen right here at my fingertips. But I still, after the bedrest and medical bills, the new furniture and my bout of pneumonia a couple of weeks ago, have no friggin’ savings. I am the poster child for financial irresponsibility. And I have to have a fucking computer. For school. For work. For my fragile sanity.

And then I had the worst night of my life as I tried to convince an electronics store that, yes, I have a couple of medical bills that show up on my credit report after the Pregnancy Heard ‘Round the World, but I have a good job, am financially stable, this is a farking emergency, and I will pay the damned bill, Now gimme the damned loan or I will cut you- I have a paper due in 4 fucking hours. And I left with a . But laptop that I like, if not love. It isn’t my MacBook that I want, but all I could get out of them was a measley grand. Bastards. And then I spent my evening trying to hurry up and get software loaded so I could do my paper. I have the friggin’ enormous Office Suite that has a gazillion programs, of which I am not sure what they all do, and so that took forever. And Microsoft wouldn’t let me use my product key again, so I spent another age convincing them that I am not pirating software, that my house is just Where Computers Come to Die. They finally let me install it again, saving me hundreds of dollars. And then I spent another age on the phone with tech support at the school because the default security settings on the newbie weren’t allowing me to log on to the school website.

And then? Then I spent the rest of my night trying to get this paper finished from scratch. My research and everything. Not a single note taken ahead of time. Really. How in the hell I pulled that off while still going 300 words over the required minimum is beyond me. And it even seemed halfway coherent.

And now we’ve moved on…To Prince, before he was the weirdo symbol. And I have a confession to make: I love Prince. Always have, always will, ever since the day when my sister watched Purple Rain in my presence when I was kid while she was babysitting me one night. he worst movie ever. With the best soundtrack ever….She asked me if we could be friends and I said, Oh honey baby that’s okay. You know and I know that we wouldn’t be satisfied…..Hells-to-the-yeah. Moving on.

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