>Missing

>I have been working too much, and I hate it. I know why I do it. $$$$$. But I feel like I am missing from my own life. From Zach’s, Evan’s, and John’s life. And I’m sad.

John and I came to an agreement when I went back to work. I felt bad about having to return to work so soon and leaving Zach, but I had to do it. And John has done a stellar job taking care of our baby. Zach is clean and fed and happy. He’s now on target with his milestones. But John didn’t uphold his end of the agreement. Here’s why:

I have worked 55 hours in the past 4 days. Gross, I know. But true. And I am so tired and weary that my bones are aching. And this means I am away a lot. John promised that when Zachary started doing something new, instead of presenting it to me in a way that left me feeling even worse, he would let me discover it on my own as if it were the first time Zach did it. So Saturday morning, I get out of work and my boys are waiting for me in the car outside of the hospital. And as soon as I get in the car, John is bursting with excitement. Zach finally did it! He rolled over. Up until that point, he had been doing his weird but funny thing where he would balance on his belly with arms and legs up in the air and rock back and forth, trying his hardest to roll over. It reminded me of a turtle stuck on his back, honestly, only in reverse with Zach on his ventral side. Hilarious, actually. But he finally did it. Of course I was sad because I missed it.

So today, I am trying to get Zach to do some tummy time. Despite my best efforts, he will not usually tolerate it more than 5 minutes. We have to get him off of his back in other ways, like his Jumperoo (even though he is a little too young), the Bumbo (which he hates), or the Moby Wrap. Whatever works, really, since his head is getting a little flat area on it. Anyhow, he is there on his tummy and getting seriously pissed off about it when he learns that he has a new manner to escape: he just flips over. Just like that, arms extended and a look of surprise on his face that was priceless as it dawned on him that he was no longer in the dreaded belly-down position. And so a new era has begun in our house.

Zach is no longer stuck where we put him. More caution is warranted in such things as changing his diaper on the changing table, casually laying him next to us on the sofa, and more. And before I know it, he will be crawling and nothing from the knee-height and down will be sacred any more in our house. And there will be more he will do that I will miss.

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