>Not much going on here except work, work, work, pump, work, nurse, pump, yell at Evan to do his homework, then repeat. I pretty much hate my new work schedule, even though it is what I asked for. After being off of work for over 5 months, thought I would need to get my chops back, and so I have tried to avoid signing up for several 12-hr. shifts in a row. Plus, with me waking every few hours to nurse a baby or pump, it makes it easier when there are days off in between. But…..I feel like I never have time off because the days don’t come in stretches. That was, they didn’t until this week. I am off until Friday night, with the exception of an 8-hour computer class on Wednesday for the new software the hospital is getting. Holy crap! So what’s new?
Well, in my quest to turn myself into a one-woman dairy farm, I broke down and called our area La Leche League leader. She was wonderful, and we talked about what I could expect at the meetings and more. I gave her a brief synopsis of my breastfeeding woes and she advised me to start taking blessed thistle with my fenugreek. Ok. Done. I missed the month’s meeting by 2 days, but found out they meet in my hospital! So I will be going to try it out for September’s meeting. Yay! Maybe I’ll meet others in the same boat.
Other than that, there is one more development. I’ve gone Bat-Shit Crazy! Yep, you read that correctly. As if I wasn’t already an emotional minefield, I now have something new to add to the mix: I have started having nightmares. Crazy ones, too. And some that aren’t terrible but just seem so….real. Yesterday I swore I woke up to the feeling of one of my progesterone injections. (This is where I admit that they hurt like HELL!) In my dream, Evan was the one giving me the shot instead of my RN, and I just kept thrashing, saying, “But I’ve already had my baby!” And when I awakened, I was crying. So yeah, I’m going to seek out somene to talk to. I’m starting with our hospital’s EAP in the hopes that just a few sessions will be adequate, and in the event that it isn’t, they can then refer me. I definitely want someone experienced in this sort of thing.
Other than this stuff, my days and nights blur together to where they are almost unrecognizable. I blame night shift. And my pump. I blame that too. It is the bane of my existence these days, especially since Iave realized that Ido not have the luxury of slacking off on this. My milk supply is too fragile. Very little increases it, but if I so much as skip one pumping or nursing session, it decreases. Unfair. But I have come to realize, with the help of Zach’s weight gain and level on contentment, that each ounce of breastmilk I give him is a sort of gift. So for now, in light of all of the work it has taken, I am choosing to focus on the fact that I have been breastfeeding him for almost 4 months. One third of my goal of one year! Go Me!
On that note, I am going to pump! Ha!