>Generalized Crap

>Not much going on here except work, work, work, pump, work, nurse, pump, yell at Evan to do his homework, then repeat. I pretty much hate my new work schedule, even though it is what I asked for. After being off of work for over 5 months, thought I would need to get my chops back, and so I have tried to avoid signing up for several 12-hr. shifts in a row. Plus, with me waking every few hours to nurse a baby or pump, it makes it easier when there are days off in between. But…..I feel like I never have time off because the days don’t come in stretches. That was, they didn’t until this week. I am off until Friday night, with the exception of an 8-hour computer class on Wednesday for the new software the hospital is getting. Holy crap! So what’s new?

Well, in my quest to turn myself into a one-woman dairy farm, I broke down and called our area La Leche League leader. She was wonderful, and we talked about what I could expect at the meetings and more. I gave her a brief synopsis of my breastfeeding woes and she advised me to start taking blessed thistle with my fenugreek. Ok. Done. I missed the month’s meeting by 2 days, but found out they meet in my hospital! So I will be going to try it out for September’s meeting. Yay! Maybe I’ll meet others in the same boat.

Other than that, there is one more development. I’ve gone Bat-Shit Crazy! Yep, you read that correctly. As if I wasn’t already an emotional minefield, I now have something new to add to the mix: I have started having nightmares. Crazy ones, too. And some that aren’t terrible but just seem so….real. Yesterday I swore I woke up to the feeling of one of my progesterone injections. (This is where I admit that they hurt like HELL!) In my dream, Evan was the one giving me the shot instead of my RN, and I just kept thrashing, saying, “But I’ve already had my baby!” And when I awakened, I was crying. So yeah, I’m going to seek out somene to talk to. I’m starting with our hospital’s EAP in the hopes that just a few sessions will be adequate, and in the event that it isn’t, they can then refer me. I definitely want someone experienced in this sort of thing.

Other than this stuff, my days and nights blur together to where they are almost unrecognizable. I blame night shift. And my pump. I blame that too. It is the bane of my existence these days, especially since Iave realized that Ido not have the luxury of slacking off on this. My milk supply is too fragile. Very little increases it, but if I so much as skip one pumping or nursing session, it decreases. Unfair. But I have come to realize, with the help of Zach’s weight gain and level on contentment, that each ounce of breastmilk I give him is a sort of gift. So for now, in light of all of the work it has taken, I am choosing to focus on the fact that I have been breastfeeding him for almost 4 months. One third of my goal of one year! Go Me!

On that note, I am going to pump! Ha!


2 thoughts on “>Generalized Crap

  1. >Go you! The group I go to is run by a La Leche League leader and so the group is a La Leche League meeting once a month. Unfortunately they don't meet in the evenings in the fall, so I joined the La Leche League so that I feel OK about calling should I have any questions. They really are a huge resource and are willing to help out anyone, regardless of whether you join or not. Their number one goal is to keep you breastfeeding so they will do whatever they can to make that happen. Kudos to you for seeking them out.I am curious to hear about what it's like at work having to pump. Can you/do you get away when you need to? Do people bother you when you go?

  2. >Long story about the pumping–I can usually get to pump at least 2 times a shift. I pump or nurse right before I leave the house. Then I pump as soon as I have time at work, usually aroun 11PM or so after my first round (this is a longer interval than I woud like but is the best I can do), and again after my lunch at 2:30 AM. My coworkers are pretty good about covering my patients while I pump. I let hem know I am going and make sure it is a good time for them just in case I do get called. I also wait to go until all of my patients are tucked in and have had any scheduled treatments. Sometimes that means I have to go later than I like, and I notice that I am really hurting after 4 hours or so, so I try to minimize that, but it gets tricky when I am responsible for large numbers of patients who rely on me. At first it was really a hassle to remember the supplies I need,but now I have a "pump bag" that stays packed, andI have 2 of the cooler setups that come with the Medela pumps since bought 3 pumps total, so I just swap them out each day and John makes sure I have clean parts daily and sanitizes the inside of the cooler for me each night while I am at work.(I have 10 actaual pump assemblies, so this is easy to do. Ihave yet to have to play the "It's the LAW" card. It got a little tricky when I worked at a satellite hospital ER—I was the only therapist thre, so th whole time I was pumping, I was worried my pager would go off and I felt rushed as a result. My solution was shorter pump sessions more often during down time. If I can,I finish up my shift by pumping at about 4:30-5. This way, by the time I finish my last round, give report, get home and cleaned up, Zach and I are both ready for a good long nursing session.Hope this helps! Good luck! I was thinkin about yo havingto make thebig return just the other day–Allow yourself extra time in the morning to dry yur tears before heading into the school!

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