>And So It Starts…

>I go back to work this coming Friday. I am grappling with some mixed emotions here. Before I became pregnant, and even after, in the first trimester, I did too much by most everyone’s standards. Before the pregnancy,I worked all of the time. Most people complain about 3 or 4 twelve-hour shifts in a row. One usually requires a rest period in there somewhere. We run our asses off, on our feet, for those 12. It can be brutal. But me? Well I used to work as many as 8 or 9 in a row. Plus I was in school. I would leave work at 7:30 in the morning after working all night, and go straight to an organic chem lab or a genetics lecture. Of course I would look like a crazy person on the campus of the University of Cincinnati, wandering around in scrubs, looking like death warmed over. But I did it. There was one day in particular, when I was sitting in a Women’s History lecture, that I noticed everyone sort of staring at me. I couldn’t figure out why. Until I looked down and realized I still had my stethoscope around my neck, my badge on, and a hemostat with rolls of medical tape clamped to the waist of my scrub bottoms. Like I was going to save a life right then and there.
Well, when I became pregnant, the crazy amounts of overtime went out the window, but school could not,at first. When I started to have complications, work and school were over for me, save for 2 classes completed online.
So how does one go from doing everything to being completely grounded, just like that. The couple of weeks were nice–I got to rest, spend more time with Evan and John. But then I realized that it was not a vacation. And I started to desperately miss my life. I continued to do so for over 15 weeks.
So now I am almost 5 weeks postpartum. I have been off of work for 20 weeks. I am ready to go back! Am I EVER! But I am going to have to learn, all over again, how to be away. And I am going to miss my boys, all 3. I have been with them for every wakingmoment for the past 5 months!
As far as work goes, I am on the schedule for my first 12 on a Friday night. That takes care of that work week. But then the next? 48 hours. And the 2nd week? 56 hours. So much for building myself up. I am already signed up for overtime. And it is my fault. I’m a glutton for punishment. But when you can earn up to $900 just by working one 12-hour day, it is really hard to turn down the opportunity. Especially when you have been off this long and living on meager disability insurance benefits. Plus, I am a team player. I know what it is like to work those shifts that are so short. I know how much easier it is to have another therapist working. And so I sign up.
So anyhow, back I go. Old habits die hard.

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